Take A Moment With Mary

I was asked for advice on how to move on in mid-life after divorce. A woman in her mid 50s has found herself divorced after 28 years of marriage. Her children are grown, there was no other woman. She simply decided that she was absolutely miserable in her marriage and at the age of 54 took stock of her life.

She was at a crossroads, she could carry on with her life, stay unhappy but not have to face the world alone. Or she could leave and start a new life for herself. Obviously, she took the second option and left. She told me that she struggles to navigate this new path. She is discovering what her likes and dislikes are and it’s been so long since she thought about herself she had forgotten!

She binge-watches Bridgerton with the volume up in bed at night while eating chocolate (which she loves!) but she also feels the ache of loneliness in her heart when she sees couples holding hands or shopping or having a cuppa. 

She is middle aged and what if she never finds love again? What if the car gets a puncture, what if her ex remarries? 

I asked her to close her eyes and imagine her husband moving back into her house with her.

What was the first thing she felt?

She replied, sadness.

I was just finding myself, finding my feet in my new life and that was gone. The peace, calm and freedom was lost. I felt grief that the bits and pieces of me that were returning would be lost all over again and I might never find them.

She looked at me and smiled.

The fleeting pangs of ‘what ifs’, ‘maybes’ and doubts might always be there but it was worth it for the peace and calm she had found. 

Life is fleeting, weeks go by in a blink. Grab any chance of happiness you can. Laugh at the absurdities in life.

I've had the privilege in my nursing career of caring for people who were at the end of their journey in this life. Without exception the last conversations and memories involved were how much they loved and were loved. Be kind to each other and especially to yourselves.

Mary Torpey 

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